Wednesday, July 28

When one is good more is better

I may not be Fred Flintstone but I can sure make your bed rock!

Is your dad a thief or something? Because someone stole the stars and put them into your eyes!

I’ve heard sex is a killer. Want to die happy?

Excuse me, but I’m new in town, can I have directions to your place?

Can I buy you a drink – or would you just prefer the five bucks?

I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.

I wish I were a tear so i could start in your eyes, live on your face, and die on your lips.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

Am I cute enough yet? Or do you need more to drink?

You must be the reason for global warming because you’re hot.

You know what would look great on you? Me.

Can I read your T shirt in brail?

Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.

You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.

I think I need to call heaven because they’ve lost one of their angels.

Is your name Gillette? Because you’re the best a man can get!

Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I’m here after.

Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.

The body is made up of 90% water and I’m thirsty.

Baby you must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night!

Are you an overdue book? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you!

How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice- can I get your number?

I have Skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?

That’s a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?

You know, winning the lottery doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart.

If I had a garden I’d put your tulips and my tulips together.

What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.

If you were a new sandwich at Mcdonalds, you’de be called McGorgeous.

All those curves! And me with no brakes!

Can I even get a fake number?

You’ll do.
And more funny pick up lines:

Excuse me for interrupting and I’m not trying to make a pass, but you must be leaving the country if you’re packing that much ass.

You might as well sleep with me because I’m going to tell everyone we did anyway!

Your mom was pretty good, so i figured you would be too.

I would say God bless you but it looks like he already did.

It’s a good thing I have my library card, because I’m checking you out.
Oh, sorry, I’m reserved for someone else.

Damn, I’m glad I’m not blind!

If I followed you home, would you keep me?

If I told you you had a gorgeous body, would you hold it against me?

You look like my second wife! And I’ve only been married once!

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Do you believe in love at first site, or should I walk past you again?

If you were Sprite, I’d obey my thirst!

Excuse me can I borrow a quarter, it is an emergency. My mom told me to giver her a call the first time I fell in love.

I lost my number, can I have yours?

Let’s make like fabric softner and snuggle

Do you like bananas or blueberries? Why? I wanna know what kind of pancackes to make in the morning.

Hey baby. Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m not a poet, but damn girl, you’re hot!

I'm a raindrop and I'm falling for you.

Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet

I must be a Snowflake, because I've fallen for you.

I know somebody that thinks they might like you a lot. And if I wasn't so shy, I would tell you who it is.

Are you religious? [Why?] Because you're the answer to my prayers.

Can I lick that film off your teeth?

Did they just take you out of the oven? [No, why?] Because you're hot!

Don't be so picky... I wasn't!

Falling for you would be a very short trip.

Hershey factories make millions of kisses a day, but I'm asking for only one.

I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?

Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Let's go behind that rock, and get a little boulder.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.

Remember me? Oh, that's right, I've met you only in my dreams.

Want to play conductor? You be the engineer and I'll go choo choo.

What do you like for breakfast?

You be the tree, and I'll wrap you like a Koala.

You don't need car keys to drive me crazy.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

You sure have a great looking tooth.

I wish I were sine squared and you were cosined squared, because together we could be one.

I'm feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?

May I have some kisses up here, please.

If a star fell from the sky every time I thought about you, then tonight the sky would be empty.

My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in.

Haven't I seen you before? Maybe in my dreams?

You want me. I can smell it.

If you were a drug, I would overdose!

If you gave me a penny for my thoughts I'd have just one penny, because i only think about one thing and that's you.

[Note: for use when someone you know is getting married] Hi, I'm throwing the bachelor/bachelorette party for a friend of mine, and I need a stripper. Interested?

Is your dad a baker? [No. Why?] Cause you have some nice buns.

I don't speak in tongues, but I kiss that way.

If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger? [No.] Then wink.

You know, we were born without clothes.

Like alcohol to the alcoholic,
Like chocolate to the chocoholic,
You are the [name] to the [name]holic.
(preferabally for use on men/women that have an A or O as the last letter of their first name.)

If I bit my lip would you kiss it better?

Will you read my palm? [I don't see anything.] I didn't expect you to because love is blind.

Did you drop something? [What?] Your conversation, so let's pick it up right here.

Can I have your picture? [Why?] So I can show santa what I want for christmas!

Damn.....your ass is fine! Want to come see mine?

That's a nice dog/cat/pet. Does it have a phone number?

Do you mind if we share this cab to my house?

Baby, you're sexier than socks on a rooster.

What do you say we play some football? You can have first down!

You're like pizza. Even when you're bad, you're good.

You had better phone the firefighters in advance, cause when you're done with me, we'll be on fire!

Hi, who's your friend?

I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?

Can I borrow your library card? [Why?] Cause I'm checking you out.

Drop an ice cube and say 'Now that we've broken the ice, my name is...'

Are you bored? [No, why?] Because i really want to nail you.

Are those astronaunt pants? Cause that ass is out of this world!

Are you sure that you're not a microwave oven? Because, you sure make my heart melt!

If I followed you home, would you keep me?

You must be the cause of global warming!

Are you from Tennessee? [No, why?] Because you're the only 10 I see!

What's your sign?

Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?

Got any raisins? [No.] Then how about a date?

Kiss me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Guadalupe?

You know what your remind me of? [what?] Lucky Charms, You want to know why? [why?]
Because you're magically delicious!

I can read palms. {write your # on their hand} Oh it says your going to call me soon!

So long as we're in the theatre....why don't we get some play?

You must be Jamaican, cause you Jamaican me crazy.

Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.

If you were a wedgie, I'd pick you!

Milk does the body good, but damn how much did you drink?

I lost my virginity... can I have yours?

Do you sleep on your stomach? [yes/no] Can I?

Are your parents retarded? 'cuz DANG your special!

Do you have a quarter? [Why?] I told my boyfriend/girlfriend that I would call him/her when I found someone better.

Whenever I see you my heart races. I hope to win first place.

You are like a glass of milk... you do the body good.

Fat penguin. [What?] I just wanted to say something to break the ice.

I'm not feeling myself today, can I feel you?

Where is your mother? [Why?] Because you're too young to be here without an adult.

You spend so much time in my dreams I should charge rent!

Want to get some air? You took my breath away!

How much does a polar bear weigh? [I don't know, how much?] Just enough to break the ice. Hi my name is

Saturday, July 24

I have been told the real secret to success is having a great pick up line

A song from your lips is an aria from heaven.

All this could be yours for one low, low price!

Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.

Are you a tamale? 'Cause you're hot.

As she's leaving....Hey aren't you forgetting something? She: What? Me!

Ask a woman for the time. "10:30? So today is January 10,1999, at 10:30 PM, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met you."

Baby did you fart, 'cause you blow me away!

Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call fine print

Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!

Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.

Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.

Baby, you're the next contestant in the game of love.

Can i get your picture to prove to all my friends that angels really do exist?

Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.

Champaign can be tickly, and so can I.

(Close hand with nothing inside and give it to her) It's my breath from when you took it away (open palm while saying this).

Coffee? Tea? Me?

Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!

Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

Did you have Campbell's soup today? (she answers yes/no) Because you're lookin' mmm... mmm... good!

Do you have room in your life for another friend?

Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number?

Do you know karate? 'Cause your body is really kickin'.

Does Levi's pay you for wearing those and looking that good?

Does my breath smell okay?

Does your watch have a second hand? I want to know how long it took for me to fall in love with you.

Don't walk into that building -- the sprinklers might go off!

Don't you know me from somewhere?

Ever since I met you, you've lived in my heart without paying any rent.

Excuse me miss, I don't mean to stare, but um I think you're really Beautiful"

Excuse me miss... Do you have a cigarette? Actually, I don't want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

Excuse me miss? You dropped something back there? (As you look around you ask "where") Over there! (Ask again: "What did I drop?") He answers back: My jaw!

Excuse me, but did you happen to find my Nobel Peace Prize?

Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm ridiculous or anything, but you are the most gorgeous girl/guy I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you.

Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.

Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Nope, it's just a sparkle.

Excuse me, I'd like to have kids someday, and I wanted to know how your parents created such a beautiful creature.

Excuse me, I'm looking for a you want to be my friend?

Excuse me, is that your perfume that you are wearing?

Good evening. May a thorn sit down amongst the roses?

Good news, the test results are negative!

Got me? I'll do your body good.

Grab them in the butt and ask, "Pardon me, is this seat taken?"

Great choice of clothes, they match the trim in the Jag

Guy: What's your name? Girl: Danielle Guy: Oh... I thought it was Aphrodite.

Guy: Can i see your hand? (he draws a little river then a bunny on one side and says he can't get to the other side because he will go glub glub glub.) Gal: What was the point of that? Guy : Just wanted an excuse to hold your hand.

Guy: Did I see u somewhere? Girl: No Guy: Then I must of seen you in my dreams! (works everytime)

I've seen till I gazed into your eyes

He: You look like my third wife. She: Oh, how many time have you been married? He: Twice.

Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.

Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend?

Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.

Hey, come here often? You could, with me.

Hey, don't frown - you'll never know who might be falling in love with your smile.

Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the girl/guy with the beautiful smile.

Hey, haven't I seen you before? I remember, it was in my dreams!

Hey, how did you do that? (What?) Look so good?

Hey, I lost my phone number ... Can I have yours?

Hey, Laura! (Big hug). I haven't seen you forEVER!! (huge kiss) Wow, you've really changed! (I'm not Laura) What? Oh my God, you even changed your name!

Hey, somebody farted. Let's get out of here.

Hi, I'm a fashion photographer. Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?

Hi, I'm Batman. Wanna see my batmobile?

Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

Hi, my name's Right...Mr. Right.

Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

Hi. Are you cute?

Hi. Can I domesticate you?

Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?

Hi. My name is {name}. I'm running for president in 2012. And I could sure use your vote. Here...write down your number and I'll call you to discuss my platform.

I don't know you, but I think I love you already.

I dropped a tear in the ocean, the day I find it is the day I'll stop loving you.

I envy your lipstick.

I have a cat. She would really like to meet you.

I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

I have only three months to live.

I must be a snowflake, 'cuz I've fallen for you.

I must be in heaven because I'm standing next to you!

I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.

I never thought that heaven would be so close to me"

I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.

I saw you, I had an asthma attack because you took my breath away!

I think I feel like Richard Gere - I'm standing next to you, the Pretty Woman.

I think I must be dying because I'm looking at Heaven.

I think my medication is wearing off.

I think you've got something in your eye. Oh never mind, it's just a sparkle.

I tried to find the perfect line to make you mine, sweetheart, but after searching all I could come up with was this look in my eyes and your hand in mine, and the words, will you be mine?

If a star fell for every time i thought of you, the sky would be empty.

If beauty were a grain of sand, you'd be a million beaches.

If beauty were sunlight, you'd shine from a million light-years away.

If beauty were time, you'd be an eternity.

If God made anything more pretty, I'm sure he'd keep it for himself.

If I could be anything I'd be a tear: Born in your eye, live on your cheek, and die at your lips.

If water were beauty you'd be the ocean.

If you know a person's name: "Hi, [name]." How did you know my name? "Isn't every beautiful girl named that?"

If you were a booger I'd pick you first.

If you were a chicken, you'd be impeccable.

If you were a laser, you'd be set on "stunning".

If you were a library book, I would check you out.

If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.

If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.

If you were ice cream and I were hot chocolate I'd pour all my love onto you.

I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be?

I'm feeling kind of insecure right now. Could I have a hug?

I'm invisible. (Really?) Can you see me? (Yes) How about tomorrow night?

I'm looking for a you want to be my friend?

Is that baby oil on your forehead? Cause you shine like an angel.

Is there a rainbow today? I just found the treasure I've been searching for!

Is there an airport nearby or is that my heart taking off?

Is your daddy a thief? ["No."] Then how did he steal the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes? [Be ready with a snappy answer in case they say "yes."]

Is your name Gillette? Because you're the best a man can get

It must be a day off in heaven for an angel like you to be amongst us.

It must be dark outside. 'Cause all the sunshine in the world is right here.

It's always good for you to see me again.

It's my birthday! How about a birthday kiss? [Is it really your birthday?]

No, but how about a kiss anyway?

It's not my fault I fell in love. You are the one that tripped me.

I've been noticing you not noticing me.

I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade.

[Look at his/her shirt label. When they say, "What are you doing?", say "Checking to see if you were made in heaven."

Man, you sure are bright girl! Were you raised by the stars?

Man: "Would you like to dance?" Woman:(looks at you up and down) "No thank you." Man: "Sorry, you must've misunderstood me. I said: "you look fat in those pants!"

Man: excuse me did you just feel my ass? Girl: no you: why not?

Man:"Girl, you are so rude!" Girl:"How am I being rude?" Man:"Because you're looking so fine and not telling me you're name."

Many people will walk in and out of your life. But only lovers will leave a footprint on your heart. And you my dear have left one great leap on mine!

May I have the distinguished honor and privilege of sitting next to you?

My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.

My psychiatrist sent me for an MRI because she thinks I have a magnetic personality.

Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous!

Oh my god, I thought I was gay... then I met you.

Oh no, I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick!

Ok, I'm here, what do you want for your next wish?

Oooh, you're lookin' fine. Not in the good way, in the "you'll do" way.

Please don't go or else I will have to make a report to the cops....u stole my heart

Pull my finger.

Really like your peaches and I wanna shake your tree.

Say, didn't we go to different schools together?

Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?

Smile if you want me!.

So, are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to have to stalk you?

That's a nice watch [Thank you] Actually, that's a nice dress. [Again, thank you] Come to think of it, everything is nice on you.

The only thing your eyes haven't told me about you is your name.

There aren't enough "O"'s in the word "smooth" to describe how smooth you are.

Turn to the girl sitting next to you at the bar and say, "I'm not really this tall....I'm sitting on my wallet."

(Walk over to her)"Ok, you can stand next to me, as long as you don't talk about it."

Walk up and say, "Yes?" "What?" "Oh, my friend told me that you wanted to make out with me because I'm the finest thing you have seen all night."

Walk up to a guy/girl hold up a $100 (or more if you're desperate) dollar bill and rip it in half in front of his/her face write your phone number on half of it and hand it to them. Then say, "how about you call me tomorrow and we'll figure out a way to spend this money?"

Was you Father an Alien? Cos honey on planet earth there's nothing else like you!

Was your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a princess(or prince) like you.

Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?

What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?

What is your favorite color? (Answer) Mine too!

What is your first name? Hmm, that goes kinda well with my last name. (switch if female asking a male)

What sort of person are you looking? Wait- don't tell me: medium height, blue eyes, etc...

What time do you have to be back in heaven?

What would you do if I kissed you right now?

What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?

What's a nice girl like you doing talking to a loser like me?

What's that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here, let me get it off. Hey, it's not coming off!

What's the name of your perfume? "Catch of the Day?"

What's your sign?

When God made you, he was showing off.

When I look into your eyes, it is like a gateway into the world of which I want to be a part.

When I marry I wonder if God will be mad that I stole one of his angels.

When I saw you from across the room, I passed out cold and hit my head on the I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.

When you look into the mirror holding up a dozen roses, you see the 13 most beautiful things in the world

When's our wedding date?

(While looking at stars) Baby, I didn't see any stars in the sky tonight, the most heavenly body was sitting right next to me.

Who's your daddy?

Why do you have to be so damn fine every single day? Can't you take a break and let me concentrate on something else for a change?

Woman, I hate to see you go, but I LOVE watching you leave....

Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.

You are a 9.9999. You'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me.

You are a beautiful girl, you have probably heard all the great pick up lines, so why dont' you just tell me the ones that worked so we can get past all that....?"

You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

You are not a woman, you are an essence

You are so beautiful that I would marry your brother just to get into your family.

You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.

You are so sweet...I'm getting a toothache just looking at you...

You are the hottest thing since sunburn.

You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!

You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.

You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.

You look beautiful today, just like every other day.

You look just like my mother.

You look like a big glass of water and I sure am thirsty!

You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the book ... So what's one more??

You look so good, I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit!

You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

You must be going to hell cause it must be a sin to look that good.

You MUST have a nice personality.

You remind me of a magnet, because you sure are attracting me over here!

You remind me of a pop tart. (Why?) You're cool cause you're hot!

You Say: Looks like we're late." She Says: "For what?" You Say: "For dinner.

Your choice this time, I'm buying."

You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.

Your dad must have been retarded, 'cuz you are special.

Your daddy must be a terrorist, because baby- you da bomb!

Your earrings are the mirrors which reflect the moonlight into your eyes

Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.

Your eyes have touched my soul

You're hotter than a Bunsen burner set to full power!

You're like a dictionary - you add meaning to my life!

You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.

You're ugly but you intrigue me.

You've been a bad girl/boy. Go to my room.

You've got to refer me to your plastic surgeon.

Friday, July 23

Crash of a Life time

One Monday afternoon, July 5th 2010, on my way home from work on RD 29 between Norwich and South Emerson I swerved right, and then left and off an embankment, where I then proceeded to flip my poor Honda several times. Thankfully by some miracle someone saw the crash and reported it. I was knock out instantly from the impact so I do not remember a single thing until I was woken up by a team of EMT and firer-fighters numbering well over 30 who where proceeding to cut into the roof to get me out of the vehicle. Once they got in I am sure they regretted it as all I remember is puking my guts out all over them. I was then airlifted to the nearest trauma center in Coopstown NY (home of the hall of fame, or so I am told). The medical staff was really amazing and I miraculous had no broken bones, and no serious injuries, just lots of nice bruises, glass embedded in my sin and a few scrapes, that and the nausea. My amazing parents,sister, grandma, uncle, boyfriend and his mom all drove over an hour and a half as soon as they heard to come out and see me, and it made my day. They were able to stay after visiting hours as it was getting late and my mom ended up staying with me the entire night in a bathing suit. That is love. After I could hold down my stomach I was released with lots of drugs to keep me in control of my pain. I am so incredible lucky as everyone that saw the damage and was there to rescue me said. They had never seen anything like this, and thought for sure I was dead or severely injured. I think this must just go to show that I have one amazing God and he surly has something planned for me.