Friday, February 26
So I have been very blessed, as I have never been to a gynecologist, until today that is, nor had I had the pleasure of receiving a breast exam or, the favorite, a papsmere. Yes I now I was very fortunate to have gone so long without one after all I am nearing 22. So how did I go so long? Well I avoid doctors and I don't have sex ...work out pretty well for me I think. Why now? Well when you health insurance is given an expiration date and you figure that might not be a bad thing to try before I have to pay a million dollars for it you will do a lot of stupid things. So yeah my mom signed me up to go to the gyno.
As with most people on there first visit I was really nervous and afraid of what they were going to do but mostly embarrassed. For those of you that don't know me and I am really shy and do not let anyone see me in my underwear let and especially not naked. Ewwww! Even two years with my housemates hasn't changed that for me. So yeah I was really terrified and really uncomfortable going. On top of that it was getting uncomfortably close to that time of the month if you know what I mean and can you imagine? Ewww why did my mom set it up for that time? I was so worried but this morning came and some how my trusted friend was being a little slow and I was so glad for it. So I go in fill out a million forms like usually and then go in get all the normal things done and it doesn't see so bad. I mean the nurse even subtracted weight for me (4 pounds!) so I was feeling very good. Then I was reminded yet again of the most awkward part of all of this and that is that the Gyno is actually my mom's friend who goes to our church and is my facebook friend. For some reason undressing to a complete stranger seemed so much more appealing to me. Like what if something is wrong with me I don't want her to know or think of me naked everytime I see here in church now. Or worse what if something down there is no more and then she is convinced that I am a liar and a non-virgin. Great this is just great now all my mom's friends are going to know my issues. Not to mention awkward I mean she knows me and I am going to have to see her after this.
So I was really not looking forward to her coming in as I took off everything with the one exception of my mis-matched shocks, as least she would not have to see my feet and I could keep my newly broken toe hidden. Then I uncovered a wonderful surprise, my friend my late friend had arrived! Oh boy oh boy I was so excited, not. Panicked I found some tissues and whipped up all I could hoping that it would just stop and this would be quick. She then came in and was of course very friendly asking about how I was doing in college and about this and that. Great I could not just pretend to be anybody she new me and yeah you can only imagine how awkard it was when I had to slip out of the gown and she began the rather intensive breast examination. Nothing like what I had pictured it to me, it was so much more revealing and so much more awkward and so much more feeling and hands on. Let me just tell you that the horror stories you hear are in fact true and actually a lot better then the reality of the pervasiveness of this exam. So yeah I was through-ally embarrassed and really uncomfortable. But worst of all I was terrified of what was next, the breast thing was taking so long and I was sure I was bleeding now so what is she going to think how gross is that going to be should I stop her? I was so worried, and had no idea of what to do. Then came the answer to my prayers.
She left the room to get something to stick up there, fun I know but it gave me the chance to clean myself up before she did that. When she came back she brought a friend to help her. Great just want I need another person to show off my stuff to. more awkward but I just wanted to be done to get out of there and to got home. And I must say that yes the horror stories of pap-smears are also true and that they are in fact as bad as they sound and for me even worse than I thought. It hurt and it was not fun and it was so awkward and invasive. Yes I recognize the need for these yearly visits and I think that finding out if there are issues is really good to do, but it is not fun.